Growth
Another round of things I have jotted down in my gratitude journal lately.
This week’s gratitude journal glimpses:
Incredible authors who pen stories you can get lost in. Lately I have been reading more and it feels incredible.
The way the afternoon light streams into the house and gives me a second burst of inspiration near the end of the day.
The changing season, I have been pulling out my sweaters and coziest clothing and it feels great to shop my own wardrobe.
I’m laying on the beach, having just cracked open another book about minimalism, when my husband who left just moments ago enters my periphery. I notice a huge smile on his face as he outstretches his arm to me and drops two cold, wet rocks into my hand.
“There’s lots of rock over there. We’ll go together when I get back,” he says before heading back to the ocean.
My whole body feels with warmth and I admire the beautiful stones. These are the moments that I live for. The things that really matter. What is missed when I am not living in the present. What a gift his little reminder was. A gift of his attention and thoughtfulness, but also a gentle reminder to myself to be here, now.
Another week of 2021 gone and all I can think about is how is September nearly over? Even the start of the year is a blur much less the spring and summer.
Another few glimpses from my “journal” this week:
The courage to start fresh. Specifically, choosing to move to California four years ago, but also in so many other ways.
A quiet home. I love the peace. I grew up in a big family so I was used to noise but I much prefer a bit of silence.
Options. Sometimes decision-making can feel like a burden, particularly the big life decisions. But in actuality it’s a privilege to have options. To have autonomy to direct your life as you wish, what a gift to have options to do and to try.
It was recently suggested to me to try out affirmations. I have to be honest, the thought of saying affirmations out loud to myself made me uncomfortable (although I love reading others’ on Instagram like the one below). And for that reason alone I wanted to examine why, first by trying them out.
My personal affirmation of the week:
I am tender yet resilient. I am precisely where I ought to be and what a beautiful place it is.
Another revolution around the sun and another year wiser. The past year brought with it a lot more wisdom and a total reshaping of my priorities so I need to write them down to see if they stick.
But first, I had a quiet and lovely birthday. The celebrations started with another beloved Wysocki puzzle and the next day my guy surprised me with a trip to the Getty Museum. I’ve missed museums during the pandemic, and the Getty is one of my all time favorites. Being there reminded me of how simple life can be when I am not busy complicating it. A stroll around gardens, learning something new in the presence of some you love. Bliss.
Last year I didn’t celebrate my birthday. My grandmother passed away about a week before and I was in the thick of grieving. Her death has become an inflection point in my life. Through my grief I recognized that although she lived a simple life, she left the most beautiful legacy. Once centered on compassion and generosity. Over the past year since, I have been reflecting on what my “legacy” will be.
The answer so far is elusive. But between my grief and the pandemic I have become more sensitive to time, and specifically how I spend it. So I know if I give myself more time the answers will come.
The thing about time is that it is what you make it. I spend a lot of my time working, and work brings me a lot of fulfillment. But I take pleasure in so many other things, like learning about an obscure painting like the one above, which I want to spend more time on.
And of course most importantly, who I spend my time with. The biggest lesson of them all. This one I am listening to my gut about. Lately there is a lot less of who I should be spending time with and more of who I crave more time with.
All in all, what a year. What a blessing to celebrate in my own way, and here is hoping for more growth and happiness in the next.
Back when I was in college, and severely homesick, I started keeping a little journal with bullet points of things that made me happy each day. When I got sad I’d pull it out and read back how beautiful the little life I was creating was. I think without this small practice my homesickness would have resulted in me dropping everything and heading home.
I was thinking about this recently, and about the many times I have added gratitude practices to my daily routine. They are a powerful way to change your thinking over time, require your brain to focus on the beauty in front of you and find a way to push though difficult situations. I don’t have any particular reason to get back to gratitude journaling aside from it make me feel good, and I really love the thought of future me looking back on them. I really wish I still had 17 & 18 year old Gina’s first gratitude journal. I’m sure it would be full of things like, “my friend Christine brought me a cookie from the cafeteria” and “I got an A on my English assignment.” Little memories that meant so much to me at that time.
All that to say here is are some snippets out of my “journal” for September 20th.
My slow mornings. Taking the time to pace myself has helped set a calm tone to the day.
Seeing a friend this weekend just to talk and hang with her new pup. Bliss.
Affirming text messages from my sister, who intuitively knows just what to say when you need it most.
By now we all know life and running a small business is not as easy or pretty as it seems on Instagram, right?The story of this blurry dress pictured in the background (the Indya Dress) is a perfect example of one of many struggles I encountered last summer, a struggle that initially felt like defeat.
I had grand plans of releasing the new version of our Indya Dress along side our very popular Indya Tank last summer. I went through all the development of patterning, sampling, sourcing, etc. I even found a way to shoot photos during lockdowns and pitch it to you, our community, to make sure there was interest! We made waitlists and then got ready for production. And then slowly we hit roadblock after roadblock. It was a nightmare series of issues, not caused by one thing but just par for the course in 2020 when everything was tumultuous. After a lot of effort to push this new garment out into the world I decided to give up. There were too many other places my attention needed to be for the business so I decided to just let things unfold as they needed to and let go of getting this garment made in time for summer. And to be honest, I had a bit of a sour taste in my mouth about the dress after all the strife (poor dress, I know 😆!).
Eventually, the dress was finished. But we were already well in to autumn and again I had no energy to reshoot it (although I must say it would look fab with a turtleneck layered underneath). So I just packed the dresses in a box and left them to sit in the back of my office closet.
Fast forward to this month, a year after I initially planned to launch the dress. My sister and I were making room for the new Yoko Capsule pieces and we open up the box. Olivia, who had never seen these before was baffled as to why they have been in exile. I tell her the whole story but I realize as I tell her that the narrative had shifted. I thought this was a story of defeat, but in fact it is one of triumph. Despite every odd being against me I still made these dresses, not on my initial schedule but I was flexible and more importantly I made an executive decision that allowed me to make many other beautiful things come to life last year. My sour feelings had dissipated and so that brings me to today.
In celebration of my realization and to give these dresses the homes they deserve, we are offering them at cost (of materials and sewing) in our Samples & Seconds sale! We hope that some of you find that this dress was just what you needed this summer and they remind you that victory is often just a matter of perception.
This year I have been reflecting on how the life I am living now was once just a dream for me. It’s a simple life, but when compared to other phases in my past it astonishes me how far I have come. This is a new perspective for me though…
A few months ago I became so fed up with my constant rumination on goals and ambitions that it was muddling my mind to the point of depression. I had become so focused on the future, in part because of the pandemic, that I could not appreciate where I am right now. My restlessness had become too much, I was constantly feeling rushed to get further in my life, speeding past this present phase. Fortunately, I recognized this feeling was making me unhappy and started the inner work that was needed.
While achievement is such a large part of my personality and life motivation, I recognize there is a dark side of it for me. Years ago I began practicing mindfulness because I can get so fixated on the future that I miss current life. And once I reach that future, I am yet again overlooking it to get to the next stage. I’ve never wanted to fall into the trap of never being satisfied with life. Instead I want to live a life full of appreciation for where I am at every stage and not simple when I’ve “made it.”
The way I cultivate this is by actively and intentional looking around me a speaking (often out loud) the things I am grateful for. At times it is simple the way the light is reflecting on the walls or the blossoming tree just outside the window. Other times it’s the peace and quiet of my home, or a beautiful piece of furniture I use daily. Or maybe it’s a meal I’ve prepared or the person in sharing my time with. When I stop and look around there are endless things that are right in front of me that I am so appreciative of. And the beauty of this practice is before long it happens subconsciously, my mind has quickly become accustomed to seeing what I have as opposed to what I don’t.
And when the gratitude doesn’t come so easily I compare my present, not to my future self or others, but instead to my own past self. I have so much that I have accomplished, and when I stop to think about it I can physically feel the pride well up in my body. I feel proud that I, as a Black mixed-raced woman worked my way through college, eventually and unconventionally received a graduate degree from an Ivy League university, built a fulfilling career and later bootstrapped a business, created stability for myself, found a healthy partner to build a life with, created safe home filled with laughter and love, and done the years of inner work to heal past traumas and manage my anxiety. These things, and more, when listed out are far more impressive than the bigger house or early retirement my mind may be focused on.
When I compare where I am today to me one year, 5 years, 10 years ago and more I can’t help but look around and realize I am enough just as I am.
Each year I typically look back on my past year’s resolutions and rate myself on how well I held up. Although I enjoy this process of reflection this year I am not going to grade myself. I’ve been reading this book called The Birth Order Book, and it’s opened my eyes to how self-critical I am. As a firstborn I am a bit of a perfectionist. In the past I wore my perfectionism as a badge of honor but now I understand how unhealthy it actually is. Long story short, I think forgoing the self grading this year is a step in the right direction.
Now onto my resolutions!
This year I wanted to focus on enjoying the process in all aspects of my life, resting more and not just when my body forced me to, and staying grounded in my faith.
Enjoying the process is such a process in itself. I have been working hard to reprogram re way my brain works for a few years now. I’ve always been a results driven person. I love the feeling of setting a goal and then pushing until I reach the finish line, typically sooner than expected. And once I do I immediately move on I the next thing if I haven’t already (chronic multi-tasker over here). As I have gotten older the satisfaction in achievement has waned at times. I even went through a period of nihilism where everything seemed a bit pointless. That’s when I had to step back and think more about the deeper mission of achieving goals I set. I began to realize that no achievement is remarkable without appreciation for the effort that went into it. And even more importantly no end goal is worth Much if all the time spent reaching it is lost as either a blurred or stressful memory. In short, this year I have been actively trying not to begrudge all the steps between me and my objectives. I am trying to reflect each day as I go through the process of learning and growing and it makes those end goals feel less important and all the small wins along the way are the ones I get to cherish.
As for my resting resolution, I definitely need more work in this area. I have decided that the theme of 2020 will be rest for me once again. One great stride I made was in understanding my unhealthy relationship with rest and the guilt I feel when taking it. I began listening to the Stressproof podcast and in one episode the host, Susan Choi, talks about achievement addiction. I immediately realized that I had that. As Susan describes it, a symptom of achievement addiction may be the “your sense of achievement once reaching your goal is short lived, you minimize your achievements to yourself and others and say it’s really no big deal, you never feel at rest and often feel restless, (and more…).” I certainly lean toward feeling restless, minimizing my accomplishments, and chasing the next checkbox. Over the years I have noticed this in myself and I think this is in part where the guilt for resting or spending my time “unproductively has come from.” And while I have somewhat settled the restlessness and checkbox chasing, the inability to rest still remains. All that to say I am going to keep working at it because I know just how important turning off is to the creative mind, spiritual mind, and physical body.
My last big resolution was about faith, and I think that deserves a post on its own so I am going to save my thoughts for another day.
If you liked this resolution report card, check out my others from past years here. And you can see my visual summary of 2019 below with more detail on instagram.
This year I approached my “resolutions” in a new way. I decided to write some affirmations instead. Here are a few of them…
Read MoreIt is 2019. Even though I have been looking forward to the new year for weeks now, it still feels odd that we are here. Maybe it's because it seems like just yesterday I was writing my 2017 version of this post, or maybe because I have so many long term goals coming due in 2020! Either way we are here and I am going to share with you how I felt I did sticking with my theme for last year and my resolutions.
2018 was the year of courage for me. I went on (and on) about it in my post without revealing what exactly I have been summoning courage for. Well if you've been following along with me on Instagram you probably know I started a business last year. And it was bumpy to say the least. Venturing into something brand new and public facing can shake ones confidence to the core and it took a whole lot of courage for me to stand up to my insecurities each day and plow forward.
A+ I am very proud to say 2018 was a year of creation for me. I started Two Days Off and began thinking creatively to design the clothing line and solve entrepreneurial problems. I invested my time and money into this part of my life and it feels great.
B I stuck to many of my intended habits this year, like hydration, meditating, and maintaining a skincare regimen (woohoo on this one!). All in all I made progress but there are a few habits (like taking time to rest and unplug each week) that could use more work.
B+ I am probably most proud of this one because I have made lot of small but thoughtful changes in my consumption and the products I use. On the household front I have realized it isn’t as challenging as I thought it would be to reduce my waste and begin eliminating plastic. Similarly with my toiletries I started to take a pause before replacing a product to make sure it was something I did need and if there were lower-waste options available (something in glass I could buy, a dual-purpose product, or if I could buy it in bulk). I also started to reduce my dependence on Amazon because I loathe the excessive amount of packaging they use to ship products. Some of my favorite low-waste solutions I started using includes Who Gives A Crap recycled toilet paper that helps build toilets in underdeveloped places, and napkins from fabric scraps. I also started carrying reusable utensils and straws on outings and trips (although I really should just keep them in my purse all the time). Although I do think I have made great strides, I could have done better with food. Last year I began relying on Trader Joe’s pre-packaged meals much more in the past (not cooking as much was a trade-off for working full time and starting a business), and that is something I want to tackle this year hence the B+.
I don't think I have shared why I left New York City last year and moved to LA. And no one other than close friends has really asked... It is easy to say the weather and to be closer to the beach, but those things don't get to the heart of why.
Read MoreGratitude is such a profound feeling. Not only does it feel good in the moment, but it can propel you to want to do things. Maybe to repay your debt of gratitude, take action towards more things to be grateful for, or just live healthier and happier day today.
Read MoreHabits have the power to completely transform your life. I have found that little tweaks here and there in my habits makes it easier for me to reach my goals. For instance, last year I wanted to get more sleep and realized I wasn't getting to bed before 11pm (even though I would start winding down for the day at least 2 hours earlier). After having dinner, tidying up, and prepping lunch for the next day, I still had to wash myself up before I could hop into bed. So I decided I would take my shower in the evenings as soon as I got home, before dinner, and then I had less to squeeze in after. That tiny act completely transformed my evenings, and the time where I would then take showers was no longer filled with idling time online "winding down" from the workday.
Read MoreI love goal setting, and I am all for new years resolutions. I think they are a great way to keep moving forward and growing. I also think any day is a great day to set one, and the ringing in of the new year is the perfect inspiration to refresh any goals that may be on the back burner. So I will stop blabbering on and get down to what you're here for, my 2018 resolutions!
Read MoreFor the past few of years I have shared both my annual travel resolutions and report cards on how I did on them. So I will give you on guess as to what today's post is about... You guessed it! I want to share how I did on my 2017 Resolutions.
Taking a moment at the Real Alcázar de Sevilla
Before the grades, Read my 2017 Resolutions
A This year I really worked on taking care of myself. I turned 30 in September and almost as if a switch was flipped I faced health issues. Self-care for me was about devoting time to my wellness. Putting my mental and physical health first. Treasuring me. This care manifested in creating relaxation habits, challenging myself to 100 days of mindfulness and meditation, saying no more often and not overstretching myself, and working in more rest when I travel (like an entire day spent on the beach instead of exploring all day).
A+ I think this resolution to make the best use of my time and explore more is where I really shined this year. In the past, I usually have one big 2-week long vacation a year and maybe a weekend trip or 2 out of state to see family. This year I spend a week in LA, a weekend in Woodstock, day trips upstate and out to Long Island, a long weekend in North Carolina, a trip to DC, many summer days at the Rockaways, and most recently a trip to Las Vegas for the holidays. Not only was I able to find the funds to make these small trips happen (hello there tiny wardrobe budget), but I also found the stamina! And one of the big reasons my partner and moved to California a month ago was to be able to take more road trips (year round) and see more of this gorgeous country. So stay tuned in 2018, this resolution is sticking around!
A+ This resolution was all about connecting with people and using travel as a way to have conversations and expand my worldview and relationships. I had so many incredible trips that were centered around being with people I love. From a weekend in upstate New York with a group of great friends, to visiting Grandmother in North Carolina, and even traveling to Europe to meet up with my partner's side of the family that lives in different corners of the world. I even got to meet another Instagram friend while visiting LA in March, and she even helped inspire my move out west (thank you, Kristin!).
All in all, I did pretty great this year. Later this week I will share my 2018 goals but in the meantime check out some of my past goals (and my nearly not as stellar report card from last year).
I don't feel guilty for being away because a small break is was what I needed. To make space for other creative things in my life. To let new ideas come to me. To figure out what my next steps with this blog would be. That is the beauty of taking a break, they are a pause to think and be creative.
Read MoreOne month ago I challenged myself to meditating every single day. These are my honest impression of having a meditation practice amd what I have learned over the course of this first month!
Read MoreI currently have a pretty severe strain in my right forearm. I've had it for nearly a week and it will still be there for at least a few more days. I swear I have a reason for telling you this...
The thing is that I know exactly what it is from because I have had this pain before. It's a result of my appalling desk posture. I often will work in an uncomfortable position, mindlessly, for hours only to realize it the next day when I go to grab something and I feel a sharp pain. I, like most people, have a lot of these mindless habits. I bite my nails, I forget to eat lunch, I leave the house to work and arrive at my desk not noticing the 15 minutes that had passed. I just get lost in my thoughts. Often.
Getting lost in your thoughts aren't a big deal but, as I have discussed in the past, I feel like these little mindless moments add up to a lot of life lost, or enable habits I'd prefer not to have; flashback to all those times I have eaten a whole box of cookies in one sitting and not notice until my knuckles hit the cardboard. Oops.
This is why I challenged myself to the 100 Day Project, but my version of it. This project was initially created for makers to make for 100 days in a row. It is an exercise in appreciating the process and understanding one's creativity. I want to use it to build my mindfulness muscle. I plan to do this through meditating, developing mindfulness "triggers," and studying up on mindful philosophy. I have begin documenting my first days on Instagram (if you aren't following me there please do, that's where all the magic has been happening lately!) and am about to say buh-bye to week 1!
I am very excited to see how this goes, I have no hypotheses at this point. I am just taking a shot in the dark and feeling my way through hoping to be a more present and appreciative version of myself by the end of it all.
A little over a year ago it was early morning and I was walking the damp, dark streets of lower Manhattan to my office. Imagine cold winter winds, and the noise of construction added to the rushed feeling of every workday. It isn't surprising that I came to dread that walk each day. I would turn on autopilot for each of the 15 minutes each way and managed to just barely tolerate it. Given that I have a limited number of these half hour periods each day (about 32 intact, I did the math), I began to realize spending even one of them feeling miserable or checked out is a waste of my life. 130 hours a year of just "getting by," NOPE. I decided I didn't want to just give away that time anymore so I started what I though would be a simple challenge.
My challenge: to be present (or "mindful") during that walk. Despite the fact that I couldn't control the weather or the noise or the all of the city grime, I wanted to pay attention and find at least one thing amongst the chaos I could witness and appreciate. Some of these things I began to document on Instagram, or I would share with friends directly. Some of them I would keep for myself. Sometimes it would be an object, other times an interaction between people. At times I would just savor a feeling I had. This little practice on my walk evolved to observing myself, how I felt, how I walk, how I breathe and very quickly my walk became something enjoyable (even in the cold weather!).
The reason this was difficult is because it required me to quiet my thoughts and acknowledge my environment. I was so used to letting my mind run, usually trying to anticipate what the day would hold, that I didn't notice my surroudings or even myself. This was my perfect intro to mindfulness and meditation. It was a short, consistent activity to get my feet wet in this world.
At the time I had no idea of how vast these practices were. My only goal was to stop taking these 30 minutes a day for granted and try to experience something new before I reached the office and spent 8 hours working away. Now, a year later, I have been done more research and expanded my practice I am experiencing new benefits benefits.
So far I have noticed that mindfulness has helped me limit the anxious rumination and overthinking in my head. It is also improving how I interact with other people, allowing me to be more engaged and a much more compassionate listener. Along those same lines my memory is improving (because I am actually making memories and not getting lost in my head!). And I also feel more appreciation. This one is hard to explain, but I think that when your are present and truly taking in what you are doing, where you are, who you are with, etc. you recognize the miracle and beauty of life. It's kind of amazing. These are just a few things I've noted from my blossoming mindfulness practice so far.
For more on the psychology of why being present is so hard check out this article. That's all for now!
