My Boy is Two

Gift Guide for the Toddlers

What is more fun that celebrating the holidays with little kids? Nothing in my opinion. I have been healing my inner child with all the magic making and can’t help indulging a little with the gift giving.

Since my family is trying to adhere to the “something they want, need, wear, and read” rule of gift giving, I’ve channeled all my browsing into a mega gift guide. I’ve included a lot of the things my toddler absolutely loves on this list like the Yoto Mini player, these ball pit balls, and this kitchen set, so feel free to ask me questions about any of them!

Intuitive Parenting

In a world of gentle parenting, attachment parenting, and even snowplough parenting (had to Google that one!) I have come to my own conclusion that a one size fits all parenting style is nothing but false hope for parents.

Maybe that’s a little harsh, and I have barely a year of experience in this department so take my opinion with a grain of salt. While many parenting theologies have lots of merits (gentle parenting I have found particularly refreshing), I don’t think any style can give you a specific roadmap for your child. Every child is unique and the greatest gift you can give them is acknowledging that and being ever adaptable.

What I’ve found the most steadfast tool in my early parenthood is my intuition. In a world bombarding me with information, and the inevitable pressure to raise and nurture this little person “perfectly” it was easy to second guess what my gut instinctually wanted to do. Since before my baby came out of my womb, my partner and I were making a multitude of micro decisions for his well being on a daily basis. What can I eat, what side should I sleep on, how much rest versus activity, what fibers for his clothes, bedding, diapers, the placement of his cot. So many decisions. In the grand scheme of things, so many of these were inconsequential or at most provided an incremental benefit (but still decisions I’d likely choose over and over again anyway).

When it came to mortal safely I should have realized just how powerful my intuition would be from the very start of his life. I won’t get into details here but like looking back on our birth story, if my inner voice hadn’t been so loud and alerted me that something was wrong we may not have been so lucky as to get him here safely.

Since, with my gut has proven me correct time and time again from discovering my son’s severe food allergies that his physicians could not figure out or even choosing his childcare when I went back to work.

When I first when my husband and I first began planning our parenting journey I envision myself to be a crunchy, Montessori mom who made all of his food from scratch, only purchased developmental toys (you know the type), and never sleep trained. But then I was gifted with a beautiful picky baby who much preferred eating out of food wrappers, was obsessed with balls, and showed me the kind of parent I needed to be for him. I’ve learned to tune in to him, his needs, and his interests. I’ve learned to advocate on his behalf and relying on my natural given gift of intuition.

Every child is different every family is different and there are millions of decisions you make over the course of a day week or month in order to make each one of those I found it’s so much easier to assess in the moment versus planning based on arbitrary information that sounds good in a ideal world. Being flexible and ignoring the “shoulds” from the world and my own head has relieved so much of the pressure of comparison. Armed with information, but ultimately deciding based on his needs, I can trust that I am doing the best I can for my little guy.

And the best part is that the presence and attunement it takes to hear my intuition as a parent beautifully trickled into all aspects of my life .

Traveling Plus One

Fresh mountain air, a luxe cabin, and nothing on the agenda. Sounds like a perfect plan until you throw in one miserable 15 month old who hates the car seat, loves his routines, and has molars that decided this trip was the perfect time to start making their appearance.

When I booked this getaway, just a couple of hours outside of LA, I envisioned it being an experiment. We haven’t travelled as a family since our son was born. He hasn’t spent a night away from home since we brought him back from the hospital. And while all three of us are homebody’s, eventually we’d like to get back to traveling. So this short trip to the mountains would be a litmus test for how ready we are to venture away as a trio.

The baby would be on spring break from nursery and my old friend would be visiting from Amsterdam. What better time to get out of dodge and enjoy the burgeoning spring season? I made my lists of what to pack and planned out our little one’s meals. He has a few severe food allergies so bringing along the essentials would assure he’d have all he needed. I mapped out what his routines would look like outside of our home, naptime, bathtime, and bedtime being the critical ones. I research travel cribs, packed toys, toiletries, and layers. And I found the perfect family friendly cabin that met my standards visually and comfort wise and met our families need for all the baby gear. I controlled for as many factors as I could and kept expectations low. Worst comes to worst we could turn around and head right back home.

We timed the drive with his nap hoping he’d fall asleep in the car. He’s never slept in the car, but one can hope. We didn’t even make it out of our neighborhood before we had to pull the car over to nurse. He did sleep though, and we only had to whip out the boob two more times en route to get him to stay asleep. 15 minutes before arrival he woke up done with his car seat and that’s when we resorted to a little screen time. Why subject everyone to 15 minutes of blood curdling cries when we’ve made it this far?

The cabin was lovely, and baby boy was obviously happy. His teething pain and frustration with sitting for so long melted away with the prospect of exploring a brand new (not baby proofed) environment.

The day faded into evening and we ventured out to a local farmers market before the mountain mist fell and made being outside unbearable. Back at the cabin we relaxed until the baby fell asleep, easily without his typical routine I might add. And then we lit a fire and cooked a feast of a dinner. After a bit of lounging and warm showers we joined in on getting some sleep.

The next morning our little guy was up early and therefore so were we. After a leisurely breakfast we headed lakeside to explore the shops and hunt for the next meal. It was far colder than we hoped and a severe weather advisory has been issued so we knew our trip would be cut short so not to risk getting stuck in the snow. After cocoa and Belgian waffles we headed back to the cabin for nap time. This nap time proved to be far less successful than bedtime and I had to nurse our guy to sleep and was held hostage with him in bed. So much for that overly researched travel crib.

While we snoozed my husband began packing all the miscellaneous things and pretty soon after waking we were off again. This time the impromptu drive back was rescued by “Hey Bear” (iykyk), and a midway nursing break at a gas station - del taco combo drive through.

Suffice to say, the adults were harried by the trip, although there were pockets of rest and relaxation in between chasing after a toddling tyke. But despite this trip not feeling anything like similar trips of the past, it was such a great learning experience. We learned to let go of what ought to happen and take each moment as it comes.

Plus, seeing our little guy explore a new place with such enthusiasm and then return and revel in our home with even more enthusiasm is putting a smile on my face even now as I type this.

Why I Don't Post My Childs Face Online

Posting pictures, and videos on the internet of your children is becoming sucha c topic of conversation it even has a word now, “sharenting.” I get questions occasionally about why exactly I block out my son’s face in pictures. It’s not me trying to be mysterious, and I am definitely not anti-picture. My phone's bursting with blurry close-ups of tiny toes and gummy grins, mostly for my eyes and the “fan club” (aka our family group chat). But the big, wide web? My kid's face stays firmly offline.

I should start by saying, it is so hard not to post my baby’s face online. He is the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in my life, and I MADE him, I am so proud and would love to show him to the world! So suffice it to say, I completely understand the urge to share photos far and wide and do not pass judgement on anyone who does.

But why don’t I? Honestly, it just always felt... strange. Even before I was pregnant I’d scroll through endless timelines, watching strangers' babies morph into toddlers, then teens. I knew their favorite snacks, their pet's name, the weird inside joke from that beach vacation two years back. And then, one day, my partner asks, "Is that your friend's kid?" after I regale him with some random influencer’s child’s birthday party. "No," I say, suddenly aware of how creepy it sounds. "Just a kid on Instagram." That's when it hit me: this whole knowing-a-stranger's-life thing made me a bit uncomfortable.

Then there's the whole tech nightmare. Facial recognition and who-knows-what data-grabbing algorithms are lurking everywhere. The thought of my child’s face in the some digital ether, without him even knowing, makes me uneasy. Who knows how this technology will evolve and how his data will be used by the time he’s old enough to care. I just want to grant him the autonomy and choice to decide for himself. I mean, deep fakes identity theft is already an issue! I can’t imagine him coming of age and realizing someone is out there using his likeness for something without his consent.

And while we are on the topic of consent, my social media accounts are public. I’ve chosen to share parts of my life as a consenting adult, but sharing intimate details of his and his face opens him up to a world of likes and comments, and strangers forming opinions. I just feels too intrusive and inconsiderate for me. I’m not going to lie, I am also a little freaked out by people out there on the web who may not have the best intentions. Just look up “digital kiddnapping” for yourself, and I am not even going to get into predators.

I know some people will think I am paranoid and overthinking things, and maybe I am. But when I put myself in my son’s shoes, I would be uncomfortable with being out there on the internet and have no say in it. It is possible that when he grows up he won’t care. But on the off chance he does, I want to respect hisprovacy as an individual and keep his face just for those in his real, day-to-day life.

Baby’s First Birthday Party

My baby is a year old and when planning for his first birthday I had one goal, keep it simple. Firstly, because after the marathon of holidays and our anniversary, an elaborate birthday was not in the cards. Secondly, because he’s not going to remember it anyway! So the vision was something simple at home with family only. I still wanted to decorate and decided to go with a subtle ball theme since baby boy is obsessed with them. Think lots of colors, balls, balloons, and bubbles.

I DIY’ed most of the decor over the course of a week. If I am being honest, the balloon garland did the heavy lifting to make things festive. My cousin and I made one of these for my baby shower, this time I sized down and it was very manageable to make on my own. I also made the cutest garland of his face (ugh I know such a tease) from each month of his first year and a little cake topper to match. And the easiest and most nostalgic of all my crafts were colorful paper chains, oh how fun and I cannot wait to make them with my little guy when he’s a bit older.

The day of I made a little cake and tried out a watercolor frosting technique. This was meant to be a smash cake but as predicted he was not interested in smashing anything. He stuck his little fingers in the frosting and once he realized it was sticky, retreated his hand in disgust, ha! He is in a phase where slimy and sticky textures are lava and I can complain because I was not excited to wash cake out of everything anyway.

We kept food simple and ordered pizza. Honestly after hosting Christmas brunch we felt like we deserved to cheat a little with this event. Plus a pizza party screams childhood to both my partner and our guests loved it!

What I Bought for the Party

Beige “One” Balloon (Amazon)

Balloon Garland Kit (Etsy)

Custom Fabric Crown (Etsy)

Party Hats (Target)

Paper Plates (Target)

Paper Napkins (Target)

Compostable Flatware (Target)

Ball Party Favor (Target)

Bubbles Party Favor (Target)

Et voila, that was it! We sang happy birthday, ate, and played in his playroom. No gifts, no planned activities or schedules. It was low-key and I actually got to be present with everyone! Happy birthday to my baby <3

My Baby is Turning One

It’s been a year, a full revolution around the sun, and a full revolution within myself. My baby is becoming a toddler and he definitely got the memo.

I thought I would be more weepy than I am. I am more in disbelief at how long some days felt, but how fast this year has passed. I feel we, as a family, have live hundreds of lives in this single year. We’re actively evolving into a family unit, and it’s a beautiful (while jarring) experience.

This milestone feels significant but also not so much. Tomorrow we will wake up and run our same routine, take on what comes at us, and keep it moving. “One” feels more like a rest stop to take it all in. An intentional milestone placed on the calendar of days to remind us to appreciate all that we have accomplished. “One” is a chance for us to party and celebrate our little guy, even if he has no idea why.

One, right now, looks like a lot of action; crawling, cruising, and some walking about. Sami is still obsessed with “Ball” and has more than one baby should probably own. Days are filled with music and dancing and you would be surprised by the rhythm he has (gets it from his mama). Opening and closing doors is one of the coolest things on the planet right now, as are drawers. He saying more words and consonant sounds other than “ba.” And he’s started using a few signs, the cutest of which is “milk.” The car seat is still the worst, but is made better with nursery rhymes. And at the top of the list for favorite foods we have pumpkin and crackers. There is so much more about my little dude that can’t be easily summed up in a few sentences. His sweet, precocious, and determined personality is blooming more and more each day. It makes waking up before the sun after a rough night’s sleeping easier because I get to learn something new about this little human who has now existed outside of me for an entire year!

Baby Wearing: Carriers I Love

Parenthood is a crazy experience where you suddenly become deeply familiar, of not expertly, with things that you never even knew existed prior to your child’s existence. Baby wearing is one of those things. If you told me 8 months ago I would be a able to wrangle a 20 pound wiggle worm into a fro facing carrier and check for proper hip placement all in the the 90 seconds he’ll give me I wouldn’t have believed you.

I have become a huge fan of baby wearing over these past months. When my son was just several weeks old putting him in a wrap and layering us both in my puffer jacket to walk around our neighborhood was one of the only ways to settle him for a nap. Now I take a carrier with me when we are out because he inevitably tires of his stroller and it’s just easier and more fun to have him on me.

After trying several types of carriers and a variety of brands, these are my favorites…

Baby Wrap

A baby wrap is an extra long piece of fabric that is wrapped around the wearer's body to create a secure and comfortable pouch for the baby. When you first use it you’ll think the fabric is excessive, but trust me there is a method to this madness. You can wear a wrap on the front, back, or hip but I only did front carry with my boy facing me. I actually made my first wrap out of jersey fabric I had on hand but it was too thick and warm so I bought a lighter weight one from Ergobaby once I know I wanted to use wraps.

A wrap may seem intimidating to tie at first but after a few practices (there are so many videos online) it become second nature. I started using a wrap from week one and loved it while Sami was smaller with very little neck control. As soon as he could hold his own neck I would use my other carriers far more.

Ergobaby Aura Wrap

Ring Sling

A ring sling is what I consider the simplest carrier (in theory). It is one long pieces of woven fabric with two rings at one end. Its worn in a simple loop and the rings are used to adjust so you create a secure pouch for the baby. I love how lightweight and easy (with practice) it is to put on and get Sami comfortable. It’s also easy to get him down which has become more of a priority as he’s started moving and wants to be independent at a moments notice! This is my go to carrier in the house when he’s feeling a little clingy. I love to wear it when I’m in the kitchen (with the extra fabric tucked away for safety) and Sami loves watching what I am doining.

Wildbird linen ring sling

Soft Structured Carriers

I have tried a few structured carriers, some I have sold and two that I still use a love: the Ergobaby Embrace amd the Ergobaby Aerloom. I use structured carriers when I am out of the house for longer errands (target runs, park visits, grocery shopping, etc.). As Sami has gotten bigger I’ve wanted more support ans structure to avoid back pain so we graduated from the Embrace to the Aerloom and I love it so much. It has a variety of carry positions, including front facing in, front facing our, and back carry. I prefer a soft structured carrier over more structured ones for my comfort and ease of use. I have found the more structured complex carriers with too many adjustment buckles cumbersome to use.

Ergobaby Embrace Carrier in black

All in all, babywearing is a part of my life I never knew I’d have so many opinions on but here we are! It’s wonderful wearing my baby, letting him see the world from my perspective, and holding him close while having my hands free.

The last thing I want to mention is that it’s important to babywear properly and ensure you child is safe and comfortable. I’ve learned a lot about hip health for Sami and my own ergonomics by exploring the babywearing subreddit r/babywearing. There you can get loads of carrier recommendations and even post photos for “fit checks.”

Ergobaby Aerloom Carrier in sand

Let me know if you have questions below and I can share my experience or thoughts! I am by no means an expert but my friend, Farai, totally is so check out her blog too!

7 Things I've Learned About Newborns

I first drafted this post when Baby Sami was a month and a half and I just rediscovered it. Those first six weeks were SO TOUGH so I am unsurprised I didn’t post it then, but now that time feels so far away. Here are seven things brand new mama Gina wishes she knew about newborns and the postpartum experience sooner!

1. Babies are incredibly noisy sleepers! It’s alarming at first, and then it’s just disruptive 😆

2. So much of the day is spent on regulating gases, and the rest of the day on fluids. Learn all the tummy massages and get familiar with your babies discomfort cues. A probiotic may also help if baby has chronic digestive issues.

3. Laundry is as bad as folks say but you still can’t fathom the amount you’ll need to do. Create a system, quick!

4. Now is not the time to be minimalist. Buy all the burp cloths you can store and anything that adds a little extra convenience.

5. Sleep when the baby is sleeping is the best advice, let the house go to hell and clean up when they’re no longer a newborn.

6. Lean on your mom/parent friends, they know what you’re going through and get it without much explanation. Don’t hesitate to reach out, you’re only doing yourself a disservice if you don’t.

7. And finally, trust your intuition. Caregivers and especially mothers have evolved to care for their babies. You know more than you think you do.

I Still Miss You

Three years somehow feels like a significant amount of time for you to be gone. I almost feel ashamed that so much time can pass and somehow I am still moving along. But of course that is silly and precisely what I should be doing (insert your sarcastic joke about being a loser who gives up on life here).

I miss you everyday and still can’t believe you aren’t on this earth with me some many miles away gardening, walking your dogs, watching NHK too loud, or studying up for your next Buddhist meeting where you will inevitably inspire someone with your sincerity and life experience.

I can’t believe I’ll never sit silently in a room with you reading or watching something for one of us to break the silence with a random thought that’s will eventually lead to laughter.

I can’t believe you will never meet my son, the sweetest little human who I know you would have said looks exactly like you (just like all of your great grandchildren 😆) but in this case you would be right. The number of times someone has said “he looks just like grandma in that pic” prompting me to do a double take and smile with glee is too many to count.

I can’t believe I won’t get to call you when I am struggling in motherhood, or when I have run out of ideas for dinner, or when he has a school project we need inspiration for (you will always be the queen of crafts to me).

I can’t believe you did this 8 times, and raised 7 children. I now understand why your heart was so big and how it could fit the problems of the world and still have room for more.

I will always have a slight amount of pity for my son who did get to meet you, but I will spend my life making sure that he knows you. His middle name honors you and this side of our family, and I hope it ignites his curiosity to know more.

I love you always.

Coterie Diaper Review 2023

When we were first preparing for Sami’s arrival I was shocked by the sheer number of diaper options and opinions about said options that were online and held by the parents in my life! These ones are too wide, those ones have a scent, that one isn’t absorbant enough, and that other one hasn’t got the magic back flap to prevent blow-outs. I thought once we ruled out cloth diapering (my husband was adamantly against for a slew of reasons the biggest being we don’t have a washer and dryer in our unit!), the decision would be easier, but oh was I wrong!

We tried no less than four diaper brands by the time Sami was a couple month old. It wasn’t until a friend gifted us Coterie that we finally found the combination of features that worked for our little guy.

Coterie is a relatively new brand that offers a range of baby products, including diapers, wipes, and skin care items. According to their website, Coterie diapers are made with high-quality, eco-friendly materials and designed for comfort and performance. The diapers are free from harmful chemicals and fragrances and are hypoallergenic, making them suitable for sensitive skin. This was a huge plus for us as it seems Sami is taking after his dad and is a bit sensitive.

What struck me first about these diapers is how soft they are and I think that plays directly into their absorbency. I appreciate they can hold a lot because of Sami is finally getting a decent stretch of sleep the last thing I want to do is wake him for a diaper change in the middle of the night. I also think the softness makes them extra comfortable as I don’t see the impressions in his thighs that other brand would sometimes leave. And as far as leaks I won’t say they never happen, but the do happen far less than in one brand I won’t mention here but will say rhymes with campers…

Lastly, I had my heart set on cloth diapering for a number of reasons but in life and relationships Choy’ve got to compromise sometimes. It assuages my guilt a bit that Coterie uses sustainable, biodegradable and compostable materials.

Overall, Coterie diapers have been a favorite in my household. Their wipes are good too, primarily made up of water and very large and thick. We’re still trying them out but no major complaints this far although the thickness may be too much for us, we’ll see.

Since becoming a Coterie convert I have partnered up with them! If you want to try out Coterie for yourself use my link and discount code (GINA) for 20% off!

One Year Ago Everything Changed

Throwback to April 30th, 2022… exactly a year ago I got the positive pregnancy test that brought us Sami. I remember being in disbelief, after peeing on so many sticks and a lot of disappointment I kinda wasn’t expecting a positive (despite praying for it). I was in so much disbelief that I took a test every morning for nearly two weeks to make sure my HCG levels were increasing.

I was anxious to say the least. I experienced a chemical pregnancy before and that coupled with my lifetime fear of infertility (not to go down that rabbit hole but I have always had an irregular cycle), put me on edge. I was scared to be too physical, I even remember wondering if some of my pants were too constricting!

I was elated and filled with hope, and yet filled with fear. All of the “what ifs” set in like concrete before I even finished processing my joy. That’s a large part why I didn’t share my pregnancy online until well into my third trimester.

After realizing the news we went ahead with our days as if all was the same, it’s such a bizarre experience. On one hand I want to shout it for the world to hear, and on the other I needed to keep it quiet and sacred just between us and eventually those closest to us.

Now as I sit here in my new reality and looking back at that day I kinda miss when my partner and I were a carefree twosome. But that feeling is fleeting because Sami is what I have prepared my whole life for 🤍 truly a blessing like no other I have experienced. So far our life as a threesome has taught me so much and brought so much more love into my life. I cannot wait to see how our lives together continue to unfold!

A Postpartum Body

I am 8.5 months pregnant in the picture above, freshly on maternity leave, and eagerly awaiting baby. I still can’t believe this was my body. My whole pregnancy felt like a fever dream of survival (needless to say I do not miss being pregnant). But as I exit the 4th trimester, I am utterly in awe of what my body has done. It deserves a reverence that I couldn’t quite imagine before. Even now as it works to sustain another person through hormonal changes, breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, and more I am just in awe. This is me, this is what I am capable of. And in the grand scheme of life the things I can at times worry about seem frivolous. Rediscovering this body I lived in my whole life in and celebrating what it has done feels good and important.

Sami turned 12 weeks yesterday and on Monday I spent my first hour away from him. I went to the gym for the first time since last spring. It was hard leaving him with his dad, but it was harder getting my body moving again. I knew I wouldn’t be anywhere close to the level of fitness I was before pregnancy (I was at my peak condition just before getting pregnant) but I couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed anyway.

I decided that instead of aiming to get back to my “pre-baby body,” I would instead focus on building the strength I need for this new phase of my life. I need a stronger back and core to life my little guy up and down without moaning and groaning. I need stamina to manage the long days with a good attitude and chase after him when the time comes. I need to demonstrate good nutrition to him so he will build healthy habits. None of these things have to do with how I look, but instead how I feel. And these types for fitness goals feel exciting to me in this moment.

Breastfeeding Essentials

Since giving birth my life has been an endless loop of feeding, cleaning, soothing, and cuddling my baby. And surprisingly, I have really loved it. Yes, it has been challenging and the learning curve steep, but the payoff has been greater than I ever imagined.

One reason why I think this phase has been kinder to me (so far) than I expected is that I researched and prepared as much as possible for a first time mom. And there are a few key things that have made this transition to caregiver a bit easier. Here are a few things that I highly recommend for breastfeeding parents to try.

Silverettes - I picked these up during Black Friday after hearing far too many horror stories about chapped nips and painful feeding. The silver has natural healing properties which I am assuming work because I haven’t had any serious issues so far. I took these in my hospital bag and have used them from the beginning, but not I only pop them on if I am feeling a little sore and usually that resolves in a few hours.

Reusable Wool Nursing Pads - and lanolin soap to clean them. These pads are amazing. Not only are the sustainable, but you can use them for up to a week or so and you won’t have any cleanliness issues! The wool also has lanolin which has natural healing properties. I started with one pair and love them so much that I got another to use when the other is drying after a wash. PS- I have found the Medium Softlines are perfect for me.

Nursing Sleep Bras - a comfortable bra (or 10) is essential. I have always been a minimalist with bras, but nursing is messy and I have found I need a stockpile despite doing laundry multiple times a week. The simple sleep nursing bras are all I have needed day to day thus far and they are definitely the most comfortable. I have also tried the Medela brand version but they pilled terribly in the first wash, and a target brand version that just isn’t quite as comfortable or supportive as these.

Haakaa with lid - I under estimated just how much letdown milk I could collect while feeding Sami on the other side. This little suction pump has grabbed up to 4 ounces in a session for me! It particularly useful at night when I might be a bit engorged not willing to do a full electric pump session. You can also get one without the lid, but I don’t trust myself not to knock it over before making it to the fridge!

Nursing Pillow - I love my Snuggle Me organic nursing pillow because it’s super soft, cute, and can be easily used as a tummy time pillow for baby boy. I have the slate blue color, but there are so many gorgeous ones to choose from.

Nursing Chair - we invested in the Sigi recliner from Babyletto because it ticked all the functional boxes (high back, charging outlets, rock & recline), while also looking beautiful. I love having a dedicated spot to feed, soothe, and relax with my baby. And I even thoroughly enjoyed it in my last months of pregnancy when every other chair in our house suddenly became unbearable! And for an extra savings we added it to our baby registry and used our completion discount.

Bed Pillow - by my second week of breastfeeding I realized I also needed better support when feeding in bed. I really didn’t want to buy yet another pillow but this one was absolutely worth getting. It is filled with memory foam and is heavier than it looks so it offers excellent back support for the middle of the night and early morning feeds. I also use it when contact napping in bed sitting up with baby Sami on my chest.

Our Birth Story

I don’t know exactly how to go about writing baby Sami’s birth story, there is a lot I am still processing. But I know I want to record it for my future self before more time slips by and I forget the details. So here goes.

For some context, this pregnancy was hard on me physically and I was so ready to pop Sami out by week 38. I began doing every trick you’ll find on the internet to induce labor from walking in the rain to getting chemical burns on my tongue from too spicy Thai food! Despite my relentless efforts my due date, January 5th, came an went. At my last doctors appointment I wasn’t dilated and my OBGYN was unable to give me a membrane sweep (which I was desperately looking forward to).

I had an induction on the books for 41 weeks (Thursday, January 12) if baby didn’t come sooner so at least I knew the end was near. On the afternoon of Tuesday the 10th I noticed baby boy had been particularly sluggish and the prior night he didn’t have his usual kick fest so my gut told me to call labor and delivery (L&D) about decreased fetal movement. He would wiggle here and there but he just didn’t seem like his usual self. The nurses told me it doesn’t hurt to go in and get monitored. After a little hemming and hawing and with the encouragement of my husband we went in to be safe around 3pm.

The nurses set me up in triage and after about 20 minutes of heartbeat perfection from baby boy they were preparing to send me home. Just before the doctor was to come in I had a contraction. I had been having contractions for weeks and they were very long, 5-10 minutes, and infrequent. Previously I had called L&D about these prolonged contractions and the nurse I spoke with was skeptical they were that long assuming I was timing them incorrectly. We’ll there it was in the monitor, a 8 minute contraction and something else I didn’t expect.

During this contraction a nurse came in asking if I have moved the monitors. I told her no, not knowing why she had asked, but I quickly told her I was experiencing a contraction in case that could be affecting her readings. Without explanation she immediately started trying to reposition me, baby boy’s heart rate had decelerated and wasn’t coming back up in its own as the contraction persisted. Before I knew it she called a code because his heart rate wasn’t coming back up with the repositioning.

As she continued to flip me and turn me I began to quietly sob, I think because I had no idea what was going on and suddenly the room was filled with people in scrubs trying to get baby’s heart rate up. They mentioned a drug to stop my contractions, they tried trendelenburg, and everyone seemed to be taking across me hectically. Finally my contraction subsides, it was at least 7 minutes, and baby’s heart rate went back to normal.

Shortly after the crisis was averted, another nurse came in and informed me we were getting admitted. I was in shock from everything and couldn’t quite process how quickly things escalated. Fast forward I was out of triage and in the room where they would induce me, we went over our birth plan and they put me on a clear fluids diet. By the time I ordered some broth and jello I had another prolonged contraction and again a code was called for baby boy. This time it was longer and harder to get him back but they did with a shot to stop my contractions plus a cervical exam and massage of his head. I was only 1.5-2cm dialated at this point. That’s when they started talking about “fetal intolerance to labor” and the possibility of a C-section. Within the hour my husband and I weighed the options and risks of moving forward with the induction given how baby was reacting to contractions. We opted for the cesarean to hopefully prevent any potential harm, or prolonged stress to baby. It was such a hard decision because I never imagined his birth to go this way and to be very honest I have a fear of surgery, anesthesia, and needles. I felt we were entering my worse case scenario but I also felt a wave of courage to just get through it for Sami.

Pretty quickly after we decided the ball was moving. We opted for a spinal over general anesthesia despite me having eaten recently so that my husband could be in the room with me during surgery. I was in the operating room maybe 3 hours after showing up to triage that afternoon. Everything just happened so fast and I’m still processing it. Overall the C-section went well despite my fears. The only minor complication was that the first spinal anesthesia didn’t work properly and the CNRA spent a lot of time poking me with a needle to confirm until the anesthesiologist finally administered another while I was laying on my side shivering from the IVs. Once my husband was allowed in the room everything was much better. The operation felt fast, it’s a surreal experience feeling the pushing and tugging, hearing them operate but not feeling any pain. 

As for his birth, I was told to expect a pressure on my chest and shortly after our baby was out at 8:43pm. After a what felt like a long pause I finally heard him cry. I cry just remembering this. The NICU team took him first and then let my husband see him and cut his cord. He was wailing and I was waiting for updates. Eventually they brought him to me as I was getting sewn up and put his head beside mine. As soon as I spoke to him he stopped crying, my baby recognized my voice.

Fast forward we spent 2 days in the hospital both baby and I are healthy, and I am recovering slowly. The whole experience still feels surreal and if it wasn’t for this beautiful baby boy lying here in my lap I wouldn’t believe it actually happened. Overall I am just grateful for that I trusted my gut, grateful for the amazing medical professionals who took such good care of us, and grateful for my incredible husband who has been an endless source of strength and courage.

PS- Sami was born a healthy 8lbs 9oz and 21” long.

Third Trimester Must Haves

As I began preparing this third trimester favorites post I realized I enjoyed a few specific categories of things, versus just items themselves. The third trimester Was uncomfortable for me, so anything that could add some physical comfort I was all about. Then the looming arrival of baby created an urge to consume as much information I could to prepare for his first days at home, cue the books and blogs! Lastly, I wanted to savor the last weeks of just being a twosome with my husband. I got into film photography and tried to journal (or blog) as much as possible.

Here are some things that I particularly loved:

Water tumbler with a straw - really you should just get one of these as soon as you find out your pregnant. I thought my old canteens would do, but having a straw and well insulated water adds just a little extra ease that you need when everything feels hard. Spoiler, this will also come in super handy when you’re trapped under your newborn in the first few months!

Birkenstocks - whether your feet have grown out of your shoes or everything is simply uncomfortable, you can’t go wrong with a pair of Birks.

Laneige Water Sleeping Mask - this is my all time favorite skincare product and fortunately one of the few pregnancy friendly, mildly scented products I could tolerate. It adds lots of hydration and served as an end of day reminder that I was one day closer to meeting little one.

Essential Oil Diffuser - any small diffuser is such a game changer for when anxiety strikes. My preference was to add a tiny bit of eucalyptus oil and just before bed. This will also come in handy if you plan to try hypnobirthing.

A journal - or anywhere to write down and process your thoughts. My favorite notebooks are the Midori dotted, or lined ones. They are beautiful, high quality and lie flat.

Month 9 Diary

We are so ready for you little boy. We still haven’t settled on your name, I think we need to meet you first before making that decision.

After all these months of tracking your development, I can’t believe there is a fully grown baby inside of me. I can’t believe it on one hand, but on the other my physical discomfort tells another story. Fortunately, I have started my maternity leave and truly it is needed. The exhaustion and pain are depleting my mental faculties. Most of my thoughts a consumed with the little tasks I want to accomplish before you arrive like organizing closets and hemming curtains I should have hemmed months ago.

It helps that we are playing the waiting game during the holidays, but it would be nicer if you were here with us… next year will be so much fun doing all the holiday activities with you. I hope you love baking with me. And crafts too.

Month 8 Diary

Oh boy, we are getting to the final stretch. Belly is bigger than ever and the house has been coming together in preparation for you, our new roomie. We had our baby shower a couple of weeks ago and it was small, lovely, and just the way I wanted to celebrate you. Unfortunately, promptly after we caught covid (I won’t tell you which of your loving aunts blessed us with that gift!), but fortunately we are much better now and back in preparation mode.

I only have 2 weeks until my maternity leave starts, which has been stressful. It will be a reality check to let go of work and accept a new routine, but I am excited for the challenge and mostly excited to be 100% present with you. It will also be nice for dad and I to celebrate our last holiday season as a duo. And even better for me to be able to lounge around the house, as I am experience more and more discomfort and pain by the day. Our 9th anniversary is just days before your due date so who knows what that will look like, regardless we are incredibly eager to meet you and wouldn’t mind in the least if you came early to celebrate with us. Just a month or so to go little one, see you very soon!

Month 7 Diary

We’re seven months in and you’ve become the cutest little wiggle worm ever. At 29 weeks we did a 3D ultrasound to see a sneak peek of you and you somehow were on your very best behavior! You slept through the entire scan, only slightly waking here and there when the techs probe disturbed you. We watched you yawn, and snooze on your right arm, bent back just the way I sleep. We were all charmed by you and are even more eager to meet you in person.

I can tell you are growing faster than ever because I am constantly hungry and I can feel you stretch in attempt to make more room for yourself. I feel bad that you are only going to get more cramped from here on, but I promise we’ll make up to you with all the little luxuries we’ve been preparing.