Daily Life

Restorative Routines

Since starting to feel the fatigue of the pandemic I have chosen to focus on micro moments throughout the day that can help restore me, and not wear me down further. One daily activity of mine is my morning coffee pour, which I have written about before.

Gina Stovall Mindful Coffee Pour.gif

Focusing on the little things that being me joy helps me not dwell on the bigger picture that feels a bit uncertain and overwhelming. It' brings me back to my mindfulness practices that have taught me that a life is made up of many little moments. And a happy life is just cultivating happiness in each little act.

Grief

I lost my grandmother last year, August 29th. It wasn’t COVID-19, I think that’s a thing you have to clarify these days. She was in her 80s and had battled cancer successfully and with vigor for about a decade. She was amazing, beyond the cancer she was absolutely incredible. A joy to be around for every single person who met her. And I am not exaggerating, I wish I could recount all the stories I heard from people I never knew after her passing. She was truly a light on this planet, a woman who loved deeply and made the most of what could have been a tragically hard life.

I could talk about my grandmother all day, sometimes I can’t help but go on about her to strangers, friends, colleagues even before she died. And every person always responds with something to the effect of “she sounds incredible,” because she was. But I sat down to write this today because I want to talk about me. Selfish, maybe, but I want to remember this moment in time, about 6 month after her death, this stage of my grief. I have dreams about her every so often. In the ones I remember she has always come back to life for a brief moment, indicating to me that even in sleep my subconscious of fully aware she is no longer here. I am always interacting with my big family in these dreams, and sometimes I don’t get to see her before she is gone again. In the last dream I cried so deeply after realizing I missed her and I woke up from that dream still sad. So that morning I finally listened to voicemails of her, laughing and crying all at once, happy to remember how funny and vibrant she was and sad to realize that was no more.

I feel very fortunate because I think I truly began grieving for her in September of 2019. She received a another bad health prognosis and we all began preparing for the worst. Despite years of these patterns, this time hit me differently. It was the first time I truly felt her mortality. Despite the bad news and her initial hesitation to pursue another treatment she against all odds was accepted to an experimental drug trail and staved of the spread of her cancer. The most incredible part was that she felt good, or as good as an 80+ year old could as she told me! The “months to live” disappeared and she gave us another year. All this is to say, when she did decline, it was sudden and fast. It was during a pandemic that forced this active woman inside for months with no end in sight. Despite the speed I was so lucky to be there when we realized this could be it. It somehow didn’t hurt in the same way as the new that September did, that year prior was uniquely different from all the previous years of downs followed by ups. That September was even more painful than the first time we got the news that she had a very aggressive cancer; I remember that moment in exact detail.

I spent the last several days with her, going through the initial stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining . All of them at warp speed. Until it was the last day or so and all I could be was grateful for having her my entire life. The most incredible grandmother, the only grandparent I’ve ever known. My friend and confidant, my comrade in faith. My mentor and role-model. I was so lucky to know her and for her to love me the way she did. The way she live all of her children and grandchildren. I cried at her memorial less for her but more for my youngest cousins who get less time with her than me. I friend for the future generations who will only get to here the stories but may never truly get how awesome she was. I cried selfishly because I would miss her guidance and love. And I cry now for the same reasons.

I want to remember this moment because I know my grief will evolve over the years. It won’t always feel like this, I hope. But it also isn’t over just yet and so here I am acknowledging it.

What I Have Been Up To Lately

One year after major pandemic lockdowns and life is feeling a little mundane, even for this home-body introvert. Here’s what I have been up to lately in a collection of images I am about to delete from my phone…

Golden hour shining on my work-in-progress sofa refresh.

Golden hour shining on my work-in-progress sofa refresh.

Cosy-ing up my home. Since we moved to this new apartment last October, I have been looking for a new couch that fits the space. Our old Ikea Kivik was the right size, just not comfortable enough for us for hours of state-mandated at home lounging. Plus the cover, while practical, was just too dark and rough on the skin. After way too much hemming and hawing, plus frustration of not being able to test sofa’s in person (for obvious reasons) I decided to do what I should have done in the first place. Make do and DIY my dream couch. This is a sneak peak of the transformation, the full reveal will likely be ready many months from now if I ever get up the stamina to break out my sewing machine again.

Top view of me juicing carrots in my favorite (also only) apron.

Top view of me juicing carrots in my favorite (also only) apron.

I finally purchased a juicer a few months ago. The whole blending and straining process got old really fast. Honestly, this was a worthy investment and I am barely even bothered by the number of parts that I have to assemble, disassemble and wash. 2019 Gina may have said something like “who has time for all that,” but post-2020 Gina, well thats a different story.

My first glass of self-juiced apple juice. Can you tell how proud I am from this photo? Also, there is a chocolate cake  under the bowl in the background of this photo. Balance.

My first glass of self-juiced apple juice. Can you tell how proud I am from this photo? Also, there is a chocolate cake under the bowl in the background of this photo. Balance.

I have also been learning Arabic recently. It’s amazing to be learning something new and prove to myself that this 30-something year old brain can in fact learn brand new things as complex as a new language. It’s slow going but it feels like such a wonderful investment in myself these days.

Close-up of a recent puzzle I assembled.

Close-up of a recent puzzle I assembled.

I picked up puzzling sometime around the holidays late last year. It started with a single 1000 piece Wysocki puzzle and that was all it took for me to become obsessed. This activity brings me so much focus and peace (when I first typed this I spelled it “piece,” I told you, puzzle obsessed). It’s a perfect activity for my overly active mind because I am able to single-task letting, hours pass my in what feels like just minutes.

Me, sitting on the bed looking in the mirror on one of the warmest days of 2021 thus far. Wearing my Two Days Off Indya Tank and Safia Midi Skirt.

Me, sitting on the bed looking in the mirror on one of the warmest days of 2021 thus far. Wearing my Two Days Off Indya Tank and Safia Midi Skirt.

And lastly, I have been working a lot. Of course. Just over here keeping my business afloat while also trying to nurture the hundreds of ideas in my head without losing my sanity. Something I have been trying to remember when I feel the self-imposed pressure is that there is no playbook for entrepreneurship, and certainly not one for running one during a pandemic. So I can feel liberated because that means I can play by my own rules and do what feels right.