I Still Miss You

Three years somehow feels like a significant amount of time for you to be gone. I almost feel ashamed that so much time can pass and somehow I am still moving along. But of course that is silly and precisely what I should be doing (insert your sarcastic joke about being a loser who gives up on life here).

I miss you everyday and still can’t believe you aren’t on this earth with me some many miles away gardening, walking your dogs, watching NHK too loud, or studying up for your next Buddhist meeting where you will inevitably inspire someone with your sincerity and life experience.

I can’t believe I’ll never sit silently in a room with you reading or watching something for one of us to break the silence with a random thought that’s will eventually lead to laughter.

I can’t believe you will never meet my son, the sweetest little human who I know you would have said looks exactly like you (just like all of your great grandchildren 😆) but in this case you would be right. The number of times someone has said “he looks just like grandma in that pic” prompting me to do a double take and smile with glee is too many to count.

I can’t believe I won’t get to call you when I am struggling in motherhood, or when I have run out of ideas for dinner, or when he has a school project we need inspiration for (you will always be the queen of crafts to me).

I can’t believe you did this 8 times, and raised 7 children. I now understand why your heart was so big and how it could fit the problems of the world and still have room for more.

I will always have a slight amount of pity for my son who did get to meet you, but I will spend my life making sure that he knows you. His middle name honors you and this side of our family, and I hope it ignites his curiosity to know more.

I love you always.

Gratitude Pages no. 3

Another round of things I have jotted down in my gratitude journal lately.

This week’s gratitude journal glimpses:

• Incredible authors who pen stories you can get lost in. Lately I have been reading more and it feels incredible.

• The way the afternoon light streams into the house and gives me a second burst of inspiration near the end of the day.

• The changing season, I have been pulling out my sweaters and coziest clothing and it feels great to shop my own wardrobe.

Gratitude Pages no. 2

Another week of 2021 gone and all I can think about is how is September nearly over? Even the start of the year is a blur much less the spring and summer.

Another few glimpses from my “journal” this week:

• The courage to start fresh. Specifically, choosing to move to California four years ago, but also in so many other ways.

• A quiet home. I love the peace. I grew up in a big family so I was used to noise but I much prefer a bit of silence.

• Options. Sometimes decision-making can feel like a burden, particularly the big life decisions. But in actuality it’s a privilege to have options. To have autonomy to direct your life as you wish, what a gift to have options to do and to try.

Gratitude Pages no. 1

Back when I was in college, and severely homesick, I started keeping a little journal with bullet points of things that made me happy each day. When I got sad I’d pull it out and read back how beautiful the little life I was creating was. I think without this small practice my homesickness would have resulted in me dropping everything and heading home.

I was thinking about this recently, and about the many times I have added gratitude practices to my daily routine. They are a powerful way to change your thinking over time, require your brain to focus on the beauty in front of you and find a way to push though difficult situations. I don’t have any particular reason to get back to gratitude journaling aside from it make me feel good, and I really love the thought of future me looking back on them. I really wish I still had 17 & 18 year old Gina’s first gratitude journal. I’m sure it would be full of things like, “my friend Christine brought me a cookie from the cafeteria” and “I got an A on my English assignment.” Little memories that meant so much to me at that time.

All that to say here is are some snippets out of my “journal” for September 20th.

• My slow mornings. Taking the time to pace myself has helped set a calm tone to the day.

• Seeing a friend this weekend just to talk and hang with her new pup. Bliss.

• Affirming text messages from my sister, who intuitively knows just what to say when you need it most.

A Simple, Difficult Task: Being Present

A little over a year ago it was early morning and I was walking the damp, dark streets of lower Manhattan to my office. Imagine cold winter winds, and the noise of construction added to the rushed feeling of every workday. It isn't surprising that I came to dread that walk each day. I would turn on autopilot for each of the 15 minutes each way and managed to just barely tolerate it. Given that I have a limited number of these half hour periods each day (about 32 intact, I did the math), I began to realize spending even one of them feeling miserable or checked out is a waste of my life. 130 hours a year of just "getting by," NOPE. I decided I didn't want to just give away that time anymore so I started what I though would be a simple challenge.

My challenge: to be present (or "mindful") during that walk. Despite the fact that I couldn't control the weather or the noise or the all of the city grime, I wanted to pay attention and find at least one thing amongst the chaos I could witness and appreciate. Some of these things I began to document on Instagram, or I would share with friends directly. Some of them I would keep for myself. Sometimes it would be an object, other times an interaction between people. At times I would just savor a feeling I had. This little practice on my walk evolved to observing myself, how I felt, how I walk, how I breathe and very quickly my walk became something enjoyable (even in the cold weather!).

The reason this was difficult is because it required me to quiet my thoughts and acknowledge my environment. I was so used to letting my mind run, usually trying to anticipate what the day would hold, that I didn't notice my surroudings or even myself. This was my perfect intro to mindfulness and meditation. It was a short, consistent activity to get my feet wet in this world.

At the time I had no idea of how vast these practices were. My only goal was to stop taking these 30 minutes a day for granted and try to experience something new before I reached the office and spent 8 hours working away. Now, a year later, I have been done more research and expanded my practice I am experiencing new benefits benefits.

So far I have noticed that mindfulness has helped me limit the anxious rumination and overthinking in my head. It is also improving how I interact with other people, allowing me to be more engaged and a much more compassionate listener. Along those same lines my memory is improving (because I am actually making memories and not getting lost in my head!). And I also feel more appreciation. This one is hard to explain, but I think that when your are present and truly taking in what you are doing, where you are, who you are with, etc. you recognize the miracle and beauty of life. It's kind of amazing. These are just a few things I've noted from my blossoming mindfulness practice so far.

For more on the psychology of why being present is so hard check out this article. That's all for now!

Please let me know if you have any mindful practices, I'd love to hear about them!

5 Ways I Lived More Intentionally in 2016

So in 2016 I got really into what the interwebs are calling intentional living. Essentially intentional living is living based on your values by making conscious decisions that design a lifestyle around what you believe. Originally, living the kind of life I truly believed in seemed unattainable for me. For me my ideal life would entail consuming less and working toward being zero-waste, eating healthier and higher quailty food, buying from exclusively from sustainable/ethical/local businesses, living slower and being more present in every moment of everyday, committing to and developing my hobbies, and the list goes on and on... For years I was under the impression I couldn't attain all that I just listed either because of finances, time, or a combination of both. Because let's be honest being "green" or buying organic is expensive, and as a twenty-something who largest expense is paying off an education she completed years ago, there isn't a lot of space in the budget for this dream lifestyle. To quote Donald Trump (the only time I ever will btw): WRONG.

There is a way to start easing toward your dream life and living more intentionally. You don't have to buy what society is selling you. Yes, it takes a lot of time self-educating to find alternatives to what is out in the mainstream. And again, yikes!, the money. But if you are like me and are looking for a different way of living, maybe a simpler, slower more conscious one? Then here are 5 ways I have begun building that intentional lifestyle I am truly proud of.

Minimalism

In 2016 I started calling myself a minimalist out loud for the world to hear. Minimalism was the beginning of a major perspective shift for me a few years ago, but I always kept it quiet for fear of being judged as not "minimal enough". But this year I learned being a minimalist isn't about the absence of things or being able to keep a tally of every item. It is about having only what brings me value and joy and being content with just that. It means trading in things that weigh me down, for experiences that brighten my life and encourage me to grow. Minimalism is about gratitude for what I have earned, not yearning for what I must indebt myself to own.

A lot of people say this but I truly believe it, minimalism looks different for everyone because it is about your values and your choices. No one can ever tell me I am doing it wrong because, although I still have a lot of things compared to some people, I am happy and my "stuff" works for my life. 2016 was the year that I became finally became completely content with being my kind of minimalist. One with more plants that can be counted on two hands and a disorganized collection of craft supplies. And once I accepted that my way of living with less should look different from anyone else's I become more comfortable in my home and with my finances. In the past I have had times where I got the urge to impulse buy and then feel guilty later, but now even my "impulse" purchases are in line with my lifestyle leaving me regret free (if that makes sense?). Honestly I could write a whole post (or many) about my minimalist journey, but I have to say last year was a turning point that has solidified this way of life for me!

Mindfulness

2016 was also a year where I began to recognize the importance of mindfulness and self care. I have always been the type of person who prides herself on productivity over almost all things. And fortunately up until this year I could work myself non-stop without any repercussions. But this year the stress of working too much began to manifest in physical ailments (nothing too serious) but enough to force me to slow down. I have been Buddhist for 12 years, but I took up meditation to learn about mindfulness in a different way. I wanted to learn how to listen to my mind and body (and hopefully see the warning signs of burnout before it happens!). This mindful meditation has opened my eyes to so many other things that are important to me, like being present with the people I surround myself with and taking out time in the day for myself.  And an added bonus, once I became more mindful of each days moments I took little steps to make the day more enjoyable like walking the longer but more peaceful route to work (talk about intentional changes!)!

Purposful Purchases

A big change for me, and one I thought most unattainable, was how I spend my money. I have always wanted to be able to buy sustainable, support great brands that are doing things right but I have always though that would be out of my reach because of my budget. But with the help of minimalism and needing less I found my budget started to loosen up and I could focus on buying a good quality coat made in the US versus having several from my former favorite fast fashion chains. Same goes for household and beauty products. I began carving out time to research natural alternatives in my beauty routine and around the house. And now when shopping for groceries we cut back on meats and focus on great quality produce. To stay on budget I prepare a lot more from scratch (which again takes time), but somehow I have found the time as this became a greater priority for me. By focusing on the power of my dollar and buying things I truly love, from clothes to food, I have gained an even greater respect for what money can do. Everyday better products are becoming more accessible and that is the inertia I want to support.

Hygge Moments

Hygge (aka hooga). I totally hitched my cart to this bandwagon and have fully committed to the lifestyle. If you have yet to hear, hygge is the Danish philosophy of coziness. Discovering hygge and prioritizing comfort has validated my inner introvert in the most beautiful ways. Last year I made it a point to embrace my moments at home to make them restorative and peaceful. And when hosting I was constantly on the look out for what would make for the most hyygelig experience! 

Hometown Exploration

The last way that I found I lived more intentionally in 2016 was by not taking my city for granted! As a New Yorker I tend to overlook the fact that I have access to so many amazing things: culture, public spaces, food, other people! But I took notice last year and took conscious efforts to see new places and get out of my usual routine. In part I was motivated to scratch my chronic travel itch, which I realized from my meditations I shouldn't push aside. It's like they say, YOLO - you only live once so you really have to prioritize the living part! My heart has grown even wider for my city and I have so many new favorite places because of it! So to sum up this post of how I live more intentionally, I will leave you with three of my favorite places I intentionally visited in NYC during 2016!

• The stunning Dia Beacon just a train ride along the Hudson
• The lush and sprawling Brooklyn Botanic Gardens
• And the architectural wonder, Grace Farms

I look forward to what 2017 brings. Tell me, what do you think of living intentionally? Are you into this concept or do you practice it in your life? I would really like to know!

2017 Travel Resolutions

I am a goal setter. That's why I love the process of looking back on the year and setting new years resolutions. Resolutions are firm determinations that I view as essential to living an intentional life. 2016 was the first year I made goals specifically geared toward travel and I found it really useful when preparing for my trips so I decided to do it again this year!

So here goes, 3 resolutions I am making to myself in my quest for even more enjoyable travel in the years ahead...

Self Care

I set big themes in addition to my specific resolutions to hone in on characteristics I want to develop in myself. Last year's theme was hustle, a few years before that it was compassion... this year it is self care. I want to make a habit of practicing self care everyday, including when I travel. Whether it is 10 minutes of meditation, or spending more time on my cleansing my face, I want to take better care of me (I talked a bit about this in my birthday post too). This theme may be a direct consequence of my year of hustle which allowed me to see a need for it in every aspect of my life. Practicing self care when traveling is something else I have noticed I skimp on. Sometimes I trade off packing light for bringing leaving behind some of my favorite products in exchange for multi-use ones. Or I rush through meals or sleep less to fit in more activities. Or even book inconvenient flights to squeeze in the most daylight hours at my destination. I want to make sure I don't sacrifice to much comfort when I travel so that when I return home I am not craving a post-vacation vacation!

Weekend Trips

This year I did a lot of local exploration (which is another new habit I've adopted!) and I plan on expanding this in the new year to short trips around the US! Last year I made the resolution to see more of this vast country, which I did. But I realized late in the game that I could see even more by taking advantage of long weekends and holidays. These types of 2-3 day visits to nearby cities may be just the thing to stave off the lull leading up to a vacation and the post-vacation blues!

Human Component

My final travel resolution has to do with connecting with people. I am an introvert, and while not rude I generally don't go out of my way to meet new people when I travel. But that is something I want to change. On a recent trip to California I had the opportunity to meet up with a couple of instagram friends, @brownkids (Roe and Erin), and it was truly a life expanding experience (and there aren't many times you get to say that about brunch!). This showed me that although museums and architecture are fine ways to spend your time there is nothing like a conversation amongst people with a variety of perspectives on life.

That pretty much wraps up my travel resolutions (so far)! I would love to know if you have any resolutions for 2017, or if you believe in resolutions at all. And either way, how do you try to travel deeper and improve your experiences overall? Please let me know!

I hope you have a safe and fabulous time ringing in the New Year. Heres to an incredible 2017!!!

Giving Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving! In the true spirit of the day, and momentarily overlooking the mass murder of America's indigenous peoples, I am thinking about all of the blessings in my life... this post is going to my long a rambly personal reflection so scroll to the bottom for the TLDR (too long didn't read).

This week I got fully knocked out by a stomach bug and was a bit unsure if I could enjoy the feast of the day, but I am still so grateful for my health. And even when sick be able to bounce back quickly. Without general physical and mental good health, the reality of life would be completely different from what I currently enjoy. It is one less thing I do not consciously have to consider and accommodate on a daily basis and for that, I am truly grateful.

This year my Thanksgiving dinner will be with very close friends for whom I am so grateful to have in my life. They were bonus gifts I received when I met my partner. And they are people I am just as happy to spend this day of giving and gratitude with as my own family. All of these people, my family, my wonderful partner and my friends I am so grateful for. I know the power of community and I also know how hard it can be find people to let into your life and love, and I am so appreciative for all of these people that make it so easy for me to love them. And while I am on the topic of family, I am so grateful to have witnessed another year of growth for my family. I feel closer to them than ever and my heart aches in a beautiful way when I think of the eternal bonds we strengthen and share.

I appreciate my spirituality and seeking spirit. I have my grandmother to thank for the former and my parents to thank for the latter. It is my eternal faith in humanity and myself that gives my life mission and allows me to find happiness in the everyday. And the curiosity that my parents fostered that drives so much of my work and hobbies today. 

And on a lighter note, I am so grateful for the place I am in my life right now. I tend to be forward-looking and always striving toward the next goal. But this year I have been actively trying to appreciate where I am in this moment because this moment I will never get back. And more importantly, I am happy! I want to bask in my happiness. Of course, there is so much more I want to accomplish and so many many unknowns I have yet to fix or figure out, but I am so grateful for where I am in my journey right now. I am grateful I get to spend my days with someone I love, I am grateful to live in New York City, I am grateful for a job where I get to earn while helping others, I am grateful for the means to support myself and indulge my curiosities, and I am grateful that my family is healthy and making their dreams come true! I am appreciative of all the fortune I have. My life is complicated and challenging but I am glad it is my own.

And finally, in the spirit of this blog, I am super grateful for my passport (and have been thinking about it a lot lately). It is such a freedom to be a citizen of a country like the USA that has a standing in the world that allows me to travel freely to most countries and give me the protections so many people in this world are without. I feel truly lucky and indebted for my place in this world.

TLDR - I am so appreciative for...

1. Good Health
2. My Partner, Family & Friends
3. A Seeking Spirit
4. The Present
5. My US Passport

Finally, I am grateful to you (yes, you!). Thank you for being here with me. Thank you for clicking and reading. See Soo Much is my passion project, and it would exist whether you were here or not but it is so sooo much more meaningful to me that you are. I have just begun to see that true friends can exist online and it really enriches my life and I have the potential to enrich others as well. So thank you, because if we are not friends yet I truly hope we can become so soon.